i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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