Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
