You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
