That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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