just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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