He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
