Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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