first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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