So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
