Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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