I should be sponsored by Trojan
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
