So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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