We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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