i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
