ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
