quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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