every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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