I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
there is glitter all over my balls
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
