I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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