i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I wish there were birth control emojis
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
