I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
