I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
The best revenge is premature balding
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
