no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
