I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
