Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
