thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
