i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
