He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
