So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Sober January is a disaster.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
