just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
