I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
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He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
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All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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