Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
