omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
