I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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