Small penises have feelings too.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
