No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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