it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
