my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
