i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
