I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
