My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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