a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
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