i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
