He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
