i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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