So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
