Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
