Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
