Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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