The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
