how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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