drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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