He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
