Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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