I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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