It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
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