Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
