I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I had to cum in my sink.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
