You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
