What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
