as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
