That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
