Ambien. No doubt about it.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
