She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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